would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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