Jerry, you need to find god
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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