You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
