i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
