I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
