somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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