I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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