I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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