Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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