So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
