Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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