So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
