So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
