nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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