3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
