My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
now i know why i became what i already was.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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