Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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