The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
