Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
