am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
