if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
