i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
