she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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