i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
