this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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