you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
