we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
