Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
