it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
