every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
