and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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