listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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