they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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