i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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