My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
