I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
