I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize