I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
