Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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