He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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