hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
