I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
