how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
