Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
