Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
