my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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