He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
