we're blogging at a bar
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
