i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
