Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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