I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
