dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think a kid would responsible me up
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
