They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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