Me. At least after what I've been through.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just invented taco cereal.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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