I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
