dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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