i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i used baking grease as lip gloss
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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