just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
