mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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