ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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