My hand turned me down
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
