Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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